It's been 8 months since I've shared my thoughts with you. My personal, yet public diary is what a blog feels like and I've definitely missed it. As I type these words on this page,
I feel like the caterpillar is emerging out slowly, carefully and peacefully out of her raw, warm cocoon, scraping my sides as I unravel my being and peel myself out. No longer and never again to be who I was before. I'm only just becoming who I'm meant to be.
They say it takes about 2 years postpartum to have your hormones start to level out and to start feeling like yourself again.. so maybe that's what this is.
There are many seasons and chapters in ones life. And, in this season of my life, I'm feeling good, a bit tired like almost every mama I know, and even then, I'm feeling really good. ;)
It may be because I'm sitting here at a cute cafe typing words to create a brand new blog which is one of my favorite things to do. Self expression is so important and writing for me is numero uno.
There are multitude of reasons for being withdrawn from the usual posts and videos, blogs and podcast interviews which I truly love so much.
But if I'm being honest, I didn't want to force it. Simple as that.
I want to be 100% authentic 100% of the time. My energy, love and dedication towards helping others has always remained and always will, but for the past chunk of time, it's been fine-tune focused on a few things including running my businesses and my most current priority: raising my son.. my sweet, growing baby boy.
As the days turned into weeks and now reflecting back into months, Time flies so fast. It really does. My little boy is walking, running in fact and talking our heads off in full mini sentences, it's wild. :) I've loved, nurtured, fed, read to, sang to, dressed, played with, coddled on the easy days and especially during the hard days, stressful sick days and long exhausting feverish nights.
I knew becoming a mother would be life-changing.
You hear it everywhere. Everyone repeats the most annoying line ever.. and truthfully I'm sure I've said it myself, "Just you wait and see!"
Eyeroll, I know. :) Yet, nothing and no one will prepare you for your own individual experience you will embark on as a mother - if you choose to be one.
They say motherhood is hard, especially for the devoted mamas and the caring mamas who sacrifice so much to bring their children: joy, peace, health and care. I can see now how that's true. But I also recognize that... there is a truly a reason for every season. No one can dictate how your life should be lived or what's right or wrong, although we all have our ideas, biases and opinions. At the end of the day, we do what we need to do to survive in all the ways and ideally, hopefully thrive! Some seasons are harder, more time-consuming, more energy-consuming and require much more of you than others. Before having kids I truly was ignorant about all it takes to do a great job and if you think you know, as I mentioned above, I challenge you to "just wait and see" for your self. :) This isn't to scare you away, but to shake you a bit to the reality that your journey may be more eye-opening that you ever imagined - in all the possible ways! Now I know.
Being a mother is a full-time job. Nothing new there. Even if you drop your babies off and head to work, a mother, I guarantee is thinking about their little one throughout the entire day, worrying if they're good, happy, fed and warm. Being a Working or Stay-At-Home-Mom aka SAHM mom is the hardest job in this world. Every SAHM tells me this and yes, that is also my opinion, but it's also the truth I see, hear and experience.
I know my situation is very difference from others but I chose for it to be that way. Being a stay at home/working mom who runs two businesses comes with its challenges, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love being able to raise my child, take him wherever we want or need to go and still have two growing businesses that brings me joy, financial freedom and happiness. Is it easy? Absolutely f-n not! Well, at times it can be smooth sailing, and well other times, it's work. But it's work I chose and am proud of.
Some days I'm multitasking making breakfast, trying to tend to a tantrum because I cut the berries instead of living them whole, texting a a client back who is asking questions, delegating to an employee where they need to be and at what time for their job, packing a snack for later, unloading the dishwasher, and picking up the crumbs I seem to find in every single corner. Oh and getting myself ready for the day in addition to dressing, changing, combing hair, gelling his cute hair back, manipulating him into brushing his teeth with the Ms. Rachel and Jules "toothbrushing song" and getting out the door on time. It's fun.. I promise!! haha
Anyone who says running their own business is 'easy as pie' is well... holding back some truths. It's a circus some days, but it's a freedom I love and I'm proud of and it's the life I chose for myself and my family especially in this season of my life as a mother. Who knows what the future looks like but for now, I've decided that this is the life that makes most sense for me and my family and makes me happy. It may look very different for you and that's completely okay too. Motherhood is not a one size fits all approach!
My little one is now 2+ years old now and I still remember being wheeled out of the hospital to take him home. Wow how time flies! My early motherhood worries have changed, but those worries merge into other worries now. The saying is true,
"Being a mother is like having your heart walking outside your body."
They are always a part of you, no matter how big they get and you will always and forever worry and want the best for them. I see this in the eyes of my loving mother-in-law, in my mom and in almost every good mother I meet.
I've missed writing and it's all a process of figuring out how to balance. I do question exactly what the heck "balance" really means for me these days, but I will say that it varies day-to-day and week-to-week. What I know so far is that I'm yearning to get back and do more of what I love and as this new season unravels, I'll listen to that little voice within and do just that.
With all my love,
Violet
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