I wrote this back in December 2021 and never shared it. I guess it felt too vulnerable at the time and everything still felt so new, but as the days pass and your presence is more known to myself, and the world, I don't mind being open and vulnerable. If anything it's healing to look back and remember my memories because they are "recorded" or written down. As of today, Saturday, March 5, 20222, I'm 28 weeks, 4 days pregnant and I feel just as blessed šš», stressed š«, excited š„³ and emotional š„° as the day I wrote this. Enjoy. ā¤ļø
Time traveling: Itās 1:37am in Italy and I canāt sleep.
It's normally 4:37pm back home in SF. Your dad is off dreaming and here I am curled up looking at a blank screen thinking ofā¦ you.
We told your nonna and nonno the news today and they cried tears of joy. You are so loved already from three very distant and beautiful parts of this world. They saw your heart beating and your little hand waving "ciao" šš» from my sonogram video. Immediately I felt a wave of happiness and relief but also felt fear of all the things Iām sure all good mamas-to-be toss and turn around in the middle of the night for.
Will you be healthy and strong?
Will you feel our deep love for you?
Will you always feel safe and be protected?
Will your eyes be a reflection of mine or your dads? Or someone new?
Will I struggle painfully for days to get you out and into the world or will you make your grand appearance easily all on your own?
What will your first cry sound like?
Will you reach out to touch my face when they lay you on my chest?
Will I be the first person you lock eyes with in this world?
Will you recognize and feel comfort in my voice?
Will you miss my body being your first home?
I canāt wait to see you smile, to hear you reach out and call me āmamaā and above all I cannot wait to hear you laugh till your tummy hurts. I fantasize about hearing your laugh the most and it brings a smile to my face every single time I think of this. š„°
It is such a scary time to welcome you here in this world...but I must say of all the things your daddy and I have argued about in our 6+ year relationship (and trust me there have been many lovely ādiscussionsā :) creating you was never - ever one of them.
You were always, always wanted, even before āweā existed.
Iāll never forget what he asked me on our second date at Lolinda, a pretty Argentinian restaurant in the mission. He said ādo you want to get married and have babies?ā Yep, thatās right, on our second date! I smiled and said, āWell, itās a bit early, š¤ but eventuallyā¦ without a doubt, yes, one day Iād love to be a mother.ā š
And now as I lay here, I realize that this āone day isāā¦ now. Time sure flies, doesnāt it?
You are 18 weeks and 2 days today. My app says you are as big as a cucumber, about 5.5 inches and weighing about 6 oz. This week is extra special because now you can hear my voice. You can hear your dadās funny accent as he leans in every morning to kiss and rub my growing belly and wakes you up in Italian, and Iām sure you must be loving all the humming I do in the shower haha. Youāve also developed your perfect individual fingerprints. Life is crazy, magical and beautiful. Already you are your own individual person, perfectly divine as you are.
I know youāre still so tiny but... gosh are you mighty!!! I feel you getting stronger every day. Your kicks, twists and turns constantly remind me just how real you are and I feel so darn blessed.
Eyelids feeling heavy now. Time for bed now. Tomorrowās a big day.
Love forever and always, ā¤ļø
Your mama
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